Ghetto Golf Newcastle – The Latest Addition to the Toon

I’ve tried to start this blog with quips about dildos, gimpsuits, shitting on the floor and even Jezza Kyle.

Nothing quite does it justice. And your probably wondering what the fuzz you’ve let yourself in for…

On Thursday, I was invited to a press evening at Newcastle’s most anticipated new venue, Ghetto Golf.

I was asked to try out the ultimate crazy golf experience along with their cocktail menu and food from resident street food vendor, Apocalypse Cow.

This was all a freebie if I could give an honest review of my night.

Ghetto Golf Newcastle is an adults only mini golf spot at Hoult’s Yard.

The huge warehouse is all in one bar, eatery and entertainment.

You could spend the whole evening here, no bother.

Every inch of the place is covered in graffiti, even the highest ceiling has been decorated by local artists.

And that’s not the only nod towards Newcastle either.

Ghetto Golf originated in Liverpool (of course this is the work of scousers) and their 2nd venue is in Birmingham.

But, they’ve really made sure that this place is singing with Geordie charm with references throughout to the city’s culture.

Each hole is crazier than the last. Literally taking crazy golf to a whole new level.

Dan and I had SO much fun. Literally, laughed from start to finish.

I’ll kick off with the food and drink and then let the photos of each hole speak for themselves…

The cocktail menu is pretty imaginative and all aptly named using ghetto slang and twists on classic rap songs.

I opted for the ‘Ain’t Nothing but a G Ting’ – a gin cocktail that was essentially a fruity twist on a Gin and Ting.

All served in red cups like you’re at a US college party, means you can take your booze around the golf course. Bonus!

And don’t worry about making your drink last the entire 18 holes, there’s another bar on hole 9. DOUBLE BONUS.

They also have a range of cider and beer in cans, Coors on draught (could be a better lager in my opinion) as well as spirits, wine and prosecco.

Your food option for the evening is Apocolypse Cow. Smoked BBQ goodness.

Think meat, cheese, carbs and a shit load of calories.

A range of hand-pressed burgers, loaded fries and what they call, Twisted Tapas.

We ordered a few ‘tapas’ to share including;

  • Smoked Halloumi Chips with maple syrup and bacon
  • Boneless Chicken Tenders with sriracha sauce
  • Lasagne Bites with Napoli sauce

We also ordered a Reese’s Cheesecake from the dessert menu.You order from a hatch and are given a buzzer that’ll vibrate when your scran is up.

Despite being incredibly busy it was swiftly served.

And all delicious.

Total heart attack food, I think you’d probably describe it as filth.

Tapas are around £6-7 per dish and theres enough for 2 on each. The loaded fries are around the same price and burgers range between £8-9.

Now, for the bit you’ve all been waiting for…

Equipped with your score sheet, your neon golf balls and a drink, you’re ready to start playing Ghetto Golf.You get a maximum of six attempts at each hole to keep everyone moving.

They’re all a good balance of difficulty, each and every one hilarious.

Not for the faint hearted.You can even pose the window of the red light district set up…

I’m not sure how much business he’d get.

The graffiti on the walls of this course are a must-read.

And theres a pretty realistic looking turd on the floor too…

Yep, this is the hole. A shit hole. That you’ve got to pick your golf ball out of.

Teddy picker. The detail and thought into each hole is something else.

Awesome for the Insta too.

Get Him to the Greek inspired. And canny difficult to pot actually.

So this is hole 9, with the fully-stocked bar for topping up.

Paying homage to Newcastle’s most famous pub, The Crown Posada.

Hit this one right and it’s pretty easy to get a hole in one!

The course takes a dark turn with a graveyard inspired hole.

The Tunnel of Love. Surprises around every corner.

A studio set up for Newcastle’s very own Jesmond Kyle TV show.

Some of these show titles are actually, probably pretty realistic…

There’s tables at each hole to set your drinks while you swing, as well as a bin in the middle to pop your rubbish in.

Depending on how you hit the ball, you can pot the ball in 3 different holes.

And sadly, we’re almost at hole 18, which is probably the most difficult.

Dan struggled, I nailed it. Naturally.

At only £10 per person, I personally think Ghetto Golf Newcastle is a total bargain.

I can’t say enough just how much fun we had. Dan and I said it was perfect date night material, but I’m considering it as part of my hen do plans too. There’s various packages available for groups which can be seen on their website.

Ghetto Golf is open now in Hoults Yard, Newcastle! You can book online here.

You honestly won’t regret it.

Lots of love, LB x

1 Comment

  1. Jacky Stansfield Smith
    8th July 2019 / 8:05 pm

    Looks amazing! We’re absolutely going to give Ghetto Golf a go!

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